My dear children, let us not love in word, neither with the tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18
As we choose to walk the pilgrim path to Christ and our true home, we often wonder. What is my calling? What is God’s will for my life? We may even fret and worry and become anxious, because we don’t seem to have an answer, or the answers come too slowly for our liking. We don’t ‘hear’ Him, or if we do, we’re not absolutely sure that we know what He’s telling us. We may spend much time wondering, when the answer is quite simple, really. In the wondering, and while we wait, we must love. LOVE. We must love God with our whole heart and soul and mind. In loving God and coming to understand His great love for us, we learn to love ourselves. As we love God and ourselves, we are able to love our ‘neighbor.’ In this, He mercifully gives us a work to do that is outside of ourselves, because He knows our tendencies toward selfishness. The good news and great blessing is that we can love—we have it in us--“because He first loved us.” The truth is that we have the ability and power to love. If we are Christ followers, we have no alternative . . . we have no other option . . . but to love. God IS Love. We are the instruments of His Love.
Have you ever thrown a stone into the water and watched the circles about it spread? As a matter of fact, they spread to the very shores of the pond or lake or sea into which you have thrown the stone; more, they affect the land on the further side. But those distant circles become so faint that they are imperceptible, while those nearest the point where you have thrown in the stone are clearly marked.
So it is with our Love.
It is as if, in the first place, our home were the stone thrown in to move our being; and from that central point the circle of our love widens until it embraces all men.
No one, excepting our Lord Jesus Christ, ever knew how much he could love, or how much he could do for Love's sake; but the soldier who goes into the thick of the fight to rescue his comrade, at the risk of his own life; the mother who watches her sick child, and would give her life many times over to save it from suffering; the nurse who spends herself, body and soul, in ministering to the sick,––these know just a little of how much love there is in the human heart.
What a beautiful picture! Imagine the ripples in the water from the stone spreading to the shores and affecting the land. Charlotte Mason points us even to love with excellence. She gives us the greater vision of the vast potential of our love. What is the effect of our loving? Her faith and love for God are vibrant in her words, and she understands that we are the vessels God uses to love the world—ultimately with the hope of embracing all men. That is the goal. That is a prize. If we ‘throw our stone’ by dwelling in love, it will transcend all. We may not have the experience of the soldier or the nurse, but most of us have experienced caring for a sick child or friend or family member. So, how do we show true love? How may we love with a ripple effect?
Love delights in the Goodness of Another—Love delights in the person who is beloved . . . and before all things in the goodness of the person beloved, and would not, for any price, make his friend less loving to all, less dutiful, less serviceable. To influence his friend towards unworthy ways would seem to Love like burning his own house about his head.
Years ago, I attended the funeral of a much older friend. As I was walking down the hall on my way out of the church, I saw that it was raining outside. I felt compelled to express my great disappointment with the rain and dreariness aloud to the first person I passed. As soon as the words left my lips, the wise response came from the older woman before me, “Well, you know dear, God sends the rain.” For a brief but profound moment, our eyes met, and her words penetrated my soul. My negative and selfish view of the world at that moment, even though seemingly harmless, had affected the atmosphere. Seeing the look in her eyes, I felt sadness for my words and their effect. This older woman reminded me that my disappointments and expression of them didn’t bring goodness. She made me aware that my “unworthy ways” had influence, and she quickly and lovingly stopped their influence from going any further! We must be conscientious and consider whether our words and our actions influence others towards worthy ways. If not, then we must be responsible to change them before we hurt someone else and cause them to stumble.
Seeks the Happiness of his Friend—Again, Love seeks the happiness of the beloved, and shrinks from causing uneasiness to his friend by fretful or sullen tempers, jealousy or mistrust.
Happiness isn’t the pleasant-feeling kind of happiness—when it’s a sunny day and everything is going our way. This happiness that Charlotte Mason describes has the integrity of another person in mind—and proposes that we are responsible for influencing a friend or beloved either in a positive and edifying way or in a negative and degrading one. The admonishment is perhaps to consider more closely what our motives are—if they are rooted in true love and with another person’s well-being, reputation, and spirit in mind. This is a much higher and nobler kind of happiness.
Sister Mary Mercedes in A Book of Courtesy described it this way, “…Conveying your support through a sympathetic smile or a friendly touch can help a friend through a bad time. Tactful behavior springs from the heart, from the desire to put others at ease and make them comfortable, even in awkward or difficult situations . . . A strong friendship can teach the meaning of unselfishness. A healthy friendship calls for what is best in us and stimulates us to our highest endeavors . . . In order to grow, friendships need loyalty, love, mutual consideration, and willingness to see the other’s point of view.”
Seeks to be Worthy.—Love seeks to be worthy of his friend; and as the goodness of his friend is his delight, so he will himself grow in goodness for the pleasure of his friend.
In the seventh grade, we read the narrative poem The Courtship of Miles Standish by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. In this story we get a glimpse of this worthiness in the friendship of John Alden, when he must deliver a marriage proposal to his beloved Priscilla, but the proposal of marriage is from his friend and comrade, Captain Miles Standish. As he pens a letter for his mentor, John Alden realizes with great turmoil and sorrow that they share admiration and affection for the same woman. We learn that the captain was not afraid of bullets or the shot from the mouth of a cannon, but he was terribly afraid of a "thundering “No!” point-blank from the mouth of a woman,” and Miles Standish, having no idea of the conflict of interest, begs John Alden to deliver the marriage proposal to Priscilla. John Alden must quickly make a decision, and in that instant he chooses to sacrifice his own interests for those of his friend. Longfellow tells us,
“The name of friendship is sacred; What you demand in that name, I have not the power to deny you!” So the strong will prevailed, subduing and moulding the gentler, Friendship prevailed over love, and Alden went on his errand.
John Alden proved himself a worthy friend (Spoiler Alert: In the end John gets the girl!).
Desires to Serve.—Once more, Love desires to give and serve; the gifts and the service vary with the age and standing of the friends; the child will bring the gift of obedience, the parent may have to offer the service of rebuke, but the thought of service is always present in Love. “Love not in word, neither in tongue,” says the Apostle, “but in deed and in truth; that is, perhaps, “Do not rest content with the mere expression of love, whether in word or caress, but show your love in service and in confidence”’ for the love that does not trust is either misplaced or unworthy. Love has other signs, no doubt, but these are true of all true love, whether between parent and child, friend and friend, married lovers, or between those who labour for the degraded and distressed and those for whom they labour. Let us notice the word degradation: it is literally to step from, to step down, and it is really a word of hope, for if it is possible to step down, it is also possible to step up again. All the great possibilities of Love are in every human heart, and to touch the spring, one must give Love.
During this time of Lent, when we seek God in the quiet moments, let us consider service as an act of giving Love for God and for man. We can feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, visit the imprisoned or sick. We can comfort the sorrowful, hear wrongs patiently, and forgive all injuries. Or we can make simple, quiet gestures by just saying ‘hello’ to the people we encounter on the street or at the counter in the store. Hold the door, smile, extend courtesy knowing no one may even notice or offer it in return--and, if we see someone in need, may we overcome the 'awkwardness,' and be the one to give the helping hand. May we be ever watchful for ways to be the hands and feet of Jesus and vessels from whom His love freely flows like the ripple from the stone.
 1 John 4:19
 Charlotte Mason, Ourselves
 A Book of Courtesy, Sister Mary Mercedes, O.P.
 The Courtship of Miles Standish, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow